HOMEMADE SKIN...For My Best Friend's Wedding :)

At approximately right-before-picture-taking time of the big day, I could be found sitting on the floor in the bridal suite of the Longview Mansion, bridesmaids and hairdressers practically stepping over me as they passed through the opening, my elbows upon the chase lounge, frantically hand-stitching the last few threads around the shoulder of what I now refer to as  homemade skin. :)
I was scrambling to solve the more pressing of 2 problems, and it took several weeks of shopping, prepping, and a lot of skill and creativity and especially the help of others to pull it off.

The first obvious problem was that when the bridesmaid's dresses were ordered back in November, I was still 3 months post partum with Isaac, planning on getting pregnant again sometime before the wedding in April, but not knowing that I would be or how much weight I'd gain, or rather how much weight I'd lose from Isaac's pregnancy. Then I did become pregnant again... but that only lasted 2 1/2 months. There was a lot of fluctuation, including a reasonable deflation in my size after the D and C just a month before the wedding.

Needless to say, the dress size we tried to predict I would need was too big. On top of that, there was an alteration shop misunderstanding which concluded in the need for shorter and shorter heels (again, and then again).

Several shoe shopping trips and more $$$ than I wanted to spend later, I was able to achieve the "sweeping the floor" look that the dress was intended for.

However, the combination of my much-too-altered dress combined with my last-minute-find, one-inch heels, while solving one problem, created another and resulted in turning me into a vertically challenged hobbit in Heather's wedding pictures.

See below? Bahaha! Such a hobbit!

A 4 1/2 inch heel increase truly is the difference between a bridesmaid and a hobbit. 

Cracks me up!

Although I was such, next to the taller, heel-wearing bridesmaids--on the bright side, my feet were comfy all day and I came out on top with 3 pairs of new shoes! I'll take it :). Sorry, Scott, for all the shoe shopping sprees, and sorry Heather, for the hobbit in your photos--at least it was a hobbit without a black undershirt or cardigan! ;).

Which brings me to the main topic of this post. 

HOMEMADE SKIN

            -Heather is on left, I am on right-

(We are both naturally opposite of what our hair color currently is.

It's funny how we swapped our childhood hair colors :))

It was my childhood best friend since 2nd grade that was married at the end of April and I flew home to be a part of her special day.

You can see my "homemade skin" in this pic on the left by my shoulder. In some pics it's hard to tell! Which is exactly what I was going for. :) 

It was a beautiful day and I was honored to be a part of it.


Heather knew that with the bridesmaids dresses she picked out that I would want to wear an undershirt, cardigan or jacket to cover my shoulders (because of garments) and kindly told me to wear whatever made me comfortable.

I wear religious garments that are symbolic and representative of covenants I have made with God. I take these covenants seriously and honor them because I am so blessed by them. These blessings are more important to me than anything.

Part of these covenants is to always (except during certain activities) wear the garments. They serve as a daily and constant reminder to me to keep the promises I have made with God, so that I may benefit from spiritual protection and other blessings that doing so provides. Wearing garments is "An Outward Expression of an Inward Commitment" (<---Click for more explanation about this).

I wouldn't give these blessings up for anything! I love standing out with confidence because of it- so that others can see the happiness it brings me. It's a beautiful way to stand out.

I could feel the respect from others as the only one in the limo the morning of the wedding drinking straight orange juice in a wine glass, and later drinking rock candy and sprite instead of rock candy and wine.
I loved being questioned about what I was hand-stitching to cover my shoulders in the bridal suite before pictures. The sparkling cider the bride's family provided me during the wedding toast spoke love and respect to my heart again. I was so grateful for all the wonderful people around me with different beliefs and their acceptance of mine. It was a great opportunity to be an example and share with others what is so important to me, what brings me happiness.

And yet, the most important thing to me on this day, after keeping my covenants with God, was to not stick out like a sore thumb for Heather's ceremony or in Heather's wedding photos for her to look at in the years to come. I wanted her to be the only thing all eyes were drawn to. I wanted to keep a unified look with all of the other bridesmaids.
I wanted to find a way to keep the beauty, elegance, and look of the black dress while still keeping my covenants with God.

In most cases, a simple undershirt or a small cami/jacket solves this problem, but this dress had a long drapey scarf that hangs over the shoulder and extends all the way to the floor. You can kind of see it behind her arm in this pic.
A jacket going over the scarf would be awkward, and an undershirt would totally alter the design of the dress and take away the unity of all the bridesmaids.

I decided a nude undershirt was my best solution, but I wasn't going to settle for just any nude undershirt.
I borrowed nude shirts from friends, went searching in malls and stores and looked everywhere online for the perfect nude undershirt color, which I found does not exist.
All were too creamy, too white, too brown or too gray.

Then, I found a nude shirt with lace on top that was the PERFECT COLOR! It matched my skin tone soooo well! I bought it for it's fabric, hoping that I had the time and talent to make something of it.

When I got to Kansas for the wedding, both sisters and my mom stepped in and helped me with my dress situation, but it was my sister Michelle who ultimately created  out of the fabric from the lace-topped shirt I bought weeks before, this undershirt that blended so well that it looked like my skin (minus pores and freckles):

You can see it pretty well there below. Obvious pictures of it were rare because it blends so well! It was perfect!






How much easier would it have been to have just not worn garments! SO. Much. easier.
Choosing to go without my garments would have solved all the trouble and hours of searching, and borrowing and working on alternatives and effort and stress. But all of that is minute compared to the blessings I receive when I wear my garments and keep my covenants. No event or outward appearance is worth jeopardizing my spiritual protection and blessings. Not even for an hour. How grateful I am for my wonderful friends, both of my faith and those who are not, who love and respect me for the beliefs and standards I hold most dear to my heart, just as I hold those others dear to my heart.

After all was said and done, the most important factors of the day worked out beautifully. For me, I was able to wear my dress without altering the look of it and still keep my covenants and blessings. 

For all, the weather couldn't have been more perfect, the bride more beautiful, and the couple more lucky to have found each other and now be married to each other.
A good time was had by all, celebrating the covenants...

   ...of love,

--End Post--
________________________
Photos From the Day

Beautiful!!

*You can see the undershirt in the pic on the right, 

but it blends in with my back too well to tell, unless you look REALLY closely.

I love it!

               

Momma and sisters, minus Sarah!

Everyone is super candid in this shot...I love it...haha

To the Maid of Honor!! 

A most excellent friend. So sweet :)

To my new friends!! Ya'll are so awesome!

Cutie pie!

To Heather and Matt! 

So happy for you both!

Could that be the Bride in the Photo Booth?

Oh, yes, my family overtook the Booth. 

There are many more where these come from :) 

probably filing up a quarter of the guest book.

And although I really wished Scott could be there in the Photo Booth with us, 

he still managed to be a part this special day, from afar :)

Masquerade Ball and Roaring 20's Gala

It's been a pretty rough lifestyle the last 4 months not seeing a whole lot of each other while Scott prepares strenuously for the Step 1 (Board exam) in June. I have never seen him more focused on anything, and less at home.

However, I've been lucky enough to enjoy a couple of extra special dates with Scott over the last several weeks.
My standards for date nights have necessarily lowered and my definition of "special" has dramatically shifted as well.

A special weekly date currently includes me doing the driving while he listens to study material in the car with headphones, and him hitting the books again once we're home.

The fact that he's at my side for any part of an evening is special in and of itself--It really is that bad right now! But it makes me treasure my time with him all the more- and that's how it should always be!

The Roaring 20's Benefits Gala 

at the Tremont House in downtown Galveston 

last Saturday night was the best $20 we have spent on a date in a while--Good food, good friends, good fun, and a good time for cheap! Not to mention, it was fun getting all dressed up in 20's attire...

Photo Booth:

I never knew when it was going to go off

 so I made the same pose in almost every pic...

looks like Scott did too :). 

The Masquerade Benefits Ball
at the Old Galveston Train Station:
I was so excited for this date (back in March) because I had never been to a masquerade ball before and really didn't think they existed much anymore.
This date was even less than $20 because a Dr. at UTMB paid for our tickets somewhat pricy tickets along with some other students that were in Scott's PBL Group (not even sure what that stands for).

I had just been sick a few days before with whatever had been going around and by the night of the masquerade Scott had gotten sick--he still looks great in all the pics though, face covered and all! ;)

  

 I put these together the morning of--thanks to Hobby Lobby.

 Best. Store. Ever.

Masquerade Ball attendees or train bandits?

 We weren't too creative with our poses for the night. 

Good thing our friends were.

De-Masked

The Masquerade was fun and all, but the 20's night was far more fun!!

I could not force the bum to pose any more
by the end of the night
haha

As fun as I thought a masquerade ball would be, it just wasn't what I thought it would be. The Roaring 20's was where it was at!

Fun headbands and masks, dresses and cufflinks or not, both nights were special, and extra special because I got to spend treasured time with Scott :).

Sydney's 1st Graduation

I figured this special little day would go to the wayside like so many other moments and events do as far as sharing them with family and friends afar through this blog...Rarely anything goes to the wayside as far as recording in my journal--but it's hard to find time for both! 

My focus and perspective in life has shifted over the last year to more regularly spend my time with and on "what matters most"-- and what matters most is loving and serving the people around me, not my daily tasks--so I choose to spend my time focused on the people around me but not always blogging about it :). 

However, Sydney and I are in a 6 month period of Scott-less-ness and since we couldn't make this memory with him (we see him less than an hour a day), I wanted to share it with him through this post. 

For daddy, who couldn't be there, as well as Grammy and Grandpa in KS and Granddad and Grandma in Dallas...

Sydney's 1st Graduation

*A HUGE shout out to Teri and Jesse Erasmus for taking all of these great pictures! Thank you guys! You are both so talented! 

Sydney graduated from her first year of joy school yesterday and we did a little ceremony and celebration for the kids. It was most of these kids' first schooling experience and they loved it and grew so much the last 8 months. They are so cute and it was such a fun year. We love them!

The Graduates

The Teachers

Our Kiddos

We are best friends :)

The Graduation

 The Picnic

The Celebration

 DiGiovanni's and Cano's (Left),

 we will miss you next year!

Every Child's Dream

One balloon quickly multiplied into 

balloons from almost all the tables tonight.

The walk back to the car 

after dinner on campus with daddy 

was extra happy :)

Unfortunate News :/

*For all those who have been concerned about us the last few days and left wondering what's going on-Thank you! Thank you for your continued payers on our behalf- we wouldn't be the same without them! We love you and appreciate you!!
________________________________________________________________________________

The events of this week and the months to come are in all actuality more fortunate than unfortunate for our family and our growth as well as our ability to support others now and in the future. It is God's perfect plan for our family. 

However, prior to witnessing the windows of heaven crack open upon us the last few days, the only subject line I could come up with that seemed to satisfy the mortal mind for the mass email we sent out to family on Tuesday night was "Unfortunate News :/." 
I knew when I typed it that is was contradictory to what I felt deep down, that "unfortunate" was a poor word choice to describe this chapter in God's perfect plan for us. His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and his purposes are never unfortunate.


I taught a lesson in church a week ago during the 3rd hour in Relief Society, inspired by President Monson's most recent General Conference address: Finding Joy in the Journey. The main take away was that as we adapt to change, realize what matters most, and be grateful always, we gain a perspective, an eternal perspective through which we are able to find joy in the journey.


And so it was that as Sydney spoke these words during her prayer at lunch today, I am able to find joy in it, instead of sorrow.
I thought this would be a good way to introduce what happened. She is not referring to her brother Isaac here, by the way~


SYDNEY'S PRAYER:

"Dear Heavenly Father,

(this is where I started paying enough attention to remember exactly what she said..)

Thank you my mommy feels better and thank you that she will feel good. Thank you that my mommy closed her eyes at the doctor and they got the baby out who died, in the name of Jesus Christ Amen."

(me) "Thank you Sydney!!"

(Syd) "You’re definitely welcome!"

The most unusual aspect of this story which I am about to elaborate on, is definitely in the blessing to witness God's very hand in what is happening, and truly know it to be a blessing that we can apply to the rest of our lives. It is truly amazing, and I can't help but feel sincerely fortunate, to yet again experience and learn from our Heavenly Father. The number of times I have cried over the past few days have been far greater attributed to the love, blessings and miracles I have witnessed as the separation between the physical and spiritual worlds has become very thin. Though the so called "unfortunate news" itself and the difficulty that is still very real will require much patience as we wait in an earthly time period, we can move forward with faith in the process and the comfort from we receive from above.

TO THE POINT: 
I was 2 1/2 months pregnant- In September, we were finally going to bring a baby home for Sydney to grow up with. Through everything, she is getting so old! Having been through all we have in the last 2 years trying to bring another baby home (including losing Isaac) we were confident that this baby would come without any complications.

Tuesday's appointment was what we were waiting for before we told our families the much anticipated news. We had yet to tell a soul and were able to keep this exciting and releiving pregnancy a secret longer because I was passing my tiny baby bump off as a "post-partum belly" from Isaac 7 months ago.

It's an all too familiar story--the heartbeat I had just seen beating on the screen at my last appointment was now silently still on the monitor. However, it was more than a common miscarriage. From what they found in the ultrasound, it had more than likely been a rare partial molar pregnancy and I had to have a somewhat urgent and somewhat higher risk surgical procedure to remove the pregnancy. Because of potential tumor-like/cancerous risks that could remain from this type of pregnancy, we have to go through a waiting period of at least 6 months to a year before we can even start trying again. :(

Sad? Yes. Frustrating?? Absolutely. Grateful??? Always.

Sydney is a greater miracle to us every single day. The last 2 years has changed my relationship with her forever. I admire, respect and look up to her so much. She is a best friend of mine forever.
If I didn't have the foundation of trust with my Heavenly Father that I have, I would not know where to turn in difficult times, nor would I be able to have the perspective that I have. But when I turn to him, the blessing are there waiting for me to recognize them, and though I don't know the end from the beginning as He does, I am blessed with the faith and trust I need to endure it in patience, with the knowledge that I have been blessed to seek and find. As I search for answers I am blessed to grow from it along the way, be grateful for that painful growth, and find joy during those growing pains. They are always worth it because that is what we are here for--to grow and become more like Him so that we can return to Him, if that is what we choose.

Different seasons of life present different challenges, and it is the time and season of my life to be young and married, to bare children and grow a family. Many others struggle similarly or even worse. Other seasons of life will present other most difficult challenges, and we all go through challenges in different seasons. Knowing and understanding that God not only loves each of us deeply but is intimately involved in each of our lives helps us to more easily adapt to the changes that come, realize what matters most, and be grateful always, that we may find joy in the journey.


*I want so much to share a few amazing and incredible stories, realizations and miracles that we have come to know and witness in the last few days, but I don't feel that it is best to share them here at this time. Just know that God is extremely involved with the details of your life, that there are angels not only watching over us, but doing things for us constantly, and if you ask God to show you His hand in your life, He will show you in the way that is perfect for you and you will feel His love and purpose for you. It is incredible.*

*END*

_____________________________________________________________________________
*For my own records, the 2 letters we wrote our families are below, beginning with the most recent, and then the original one breaking the news.

FAMILY(and nearby friends) LETTERS:
After surgery update and a big THANK YOU!!!~

THIS ONE APPLIES TO SO MANY MORE THAN I COULD SEND THIS TO!!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Hey all :) 

Just wanted to send a quick update so y'all aren't left hangin- and also to thank everyone for your love and support and service to us!

 All went well today. I lost more blood than normal but not enough to need a transfusion. Came home a little lightheaded and a definite sore throat from the breathing tubes. I hope I sleep as well tonight as I did on that operating table- soo relaxing! 

Scott has been taking good care of me and we have some very wonderful angels down here in Galveston with us also taking care of us--between meals, watching sydney, flowers, gifts, cards, texts, calls, emails, prayers, even doing our dishes-!-other forms of service and love we have actually been quite spoiled with love and support. I cannot express enough gratitude for what that means for our hearts. We are so grateful for that support and know you are on the Lords errand in our behalf! You are angels and blessings to us. Thank you all again, those near and far for the love you have and more importantly the love you show. 

The six month count down doesn't  start until my hcg levels are back to 0 so that will take several weeks in and of itself, and only then does the 6 month wait begin. Unfortunately the weekly blood draws begin right away but we are grateful for them nonetheless! 

Thank you all for your continued prayers for patience through our understanding of Heavenly Fathers perfect plan. We love each of you!

Love,

Steph, Scott and Sydney :)




Unfortunate News ;/

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Hey family,  

It's been a little over a year since we found out and broke the news to you all about Isaac. It was and still is a long journey that we have so appreciated your support on. We have also appreciated all the many wonderful things we have learned and are learning--one of them, if not the most vital of them, being patience.

Lighting has struck again and Heavenly Father is once again asking for our patience, and faith, in his plan for our family. 

Scott and I found out on January 15th, the last day of our Walton Temple Miracle month that we were finally pregnant again. It was a miracle! That's 2 1/2 months pregnant...Due date: September 29th, just ONE DAY before Patty and Brian's baby's due date. :) 

We were confident in this pregnancy, and wanted to wait a little bit before telling anyone. I kept telling Scott it was going to be twins and then at my 2nd ultrasound, without knowing my mind about twins, the doctor wondered at the screen if she saw a twin. It was precious and heartwarming to see the little tiny beating heart and know that our baby was thriving. 

Ever since then, we have been waiting for the ultrasound of today to confirm twins or a singleton so we could finally break the exciting news to family and friends. Oh how often I have wanted to bring it up! Especially amidst all the morning sickness and fatigue, but I have done my very best at hiding it so that it could be an even more exciting surprise. 

However, when the doctor came in and put the ultrasound on my slightly bulging belly (which I was playing off as post partum belly from Isaac, cuz some of it probably still is!), she not only found that the baby's heart had stopped, but there were signs of something else. 

From the looks of the placenta on the ultrasound, we had a partial molar pregnancy, meaning there was the normal set of chromosomes from me and double from Scott giving the pregnancy as Scott put it, "trisomy everything." Because mutated tissue from this continues to build, and the risk of hemorrhaging is higher, I have to go in for a D and C so that I can pass this pregnancy in a controlled environment so that I won't bleed to death. 

In addition, once the D and C has taken place, Scott and I will not be able to try getting pregnant again for 6 months---I will have to go in weekly for blood draws in order to make sure my levels have gone down and that by 6 months all the tissues are gone. If the tissues remain, they can become cancer like, which is the reason we have the 6 month waiting period to monitor that. 

We have proven ourselves to beat the odds twice now-- first with Isaac and now with this partial molar pregnancy, which means maybe both Scott and I should get tested for potential answers on why we had 2 chromosomal abnormalities in a row--(though both can happen by chance to anyone). It's crazy that we had both happen.  

The doctor said there is still about a 40% chance that it was a normal pregnancy, and if so, that would be less concerning, but still there is no way of knowing until the D and C, which I will be put under for and will occur in the OR. A D and C of a partial molar pregnancy also poses its own potential higher risks for complications. 

I think the most frustrating thing for us is....frustration. Growing our family is something that continues to progess and then get frustrated..at least in the eyes of our mortal minds. Really, these experiences are building our family in different, spiritual ways, rather than physically. That, I am most grateful for..

I don't have a very good track record recently so who knows once it's time again how long it will take after that time. It's now been 7 months since Isaac was born and I thought that was an eternity away when the doctor suggested we wait 3-6 months. 6 months before that was an eternity away as we awaited Isaac's due date. And 8 months before that was the miscarriage. Since then, it's been two years, and now we have at least another 6 month wait. I never would have imagined that Sydney would have to wait 5+ years until we brought a sibling home for her to play with. She only got to play with Isaac through the womb, but we never got to bring him home otherwise. It breaks my heart for her, but know that it's Heavenly Father's plan for her too. 

I guess the biggest way to help right now would be to pray for the D and C to go well, pray for all other risks to be minimized, and especially for patience as we wait to build and try to build up our family. If we have to wait a lifetime to be with Isaac again, we can wait however many more months or years more until we are blessed with another little angel in our home--but it can't come soon enough!!!!!!! (<----see?? impatient!!) :) 

Heavenly Father has a beautiful plan for our family, but some of the points along the way seem so brutal emotionally and that is why we need patience as the plan unfolds. 

Patience is my take away from everything. I already trust in The Lord 100%, it's just patience that is and always will be key in this mortal life with our limited understanding. But that's what faith is; Trust in god's perfect plan as we follow Him, though we don't see the end from the beginning here and now.   

I love to hear from you too- I know I can count on hearing from some specific individuals in the family but please know that it is my personality to openly talk about things- I always love to talk about Isaac and I love to talk about life and Heavenly Fathers plan etc etc and I love to hear what others have in their hearts too so please, reach out openly as well as in prayer and it will always be a beautiful experience!! 

We love you all and are grateful for each of you! 

Thank you for all you do and all you mean to us.

❤️--always and forever. 

Steph and Scott