Saturday, March 8, 2014

Unfortunate News :/

*For all those who have been concerned about us the last few days and left wondering what's going on-Thank you! Thank you for your continued payers on our behalf- we wouldn't be the same without them! We love you and appreciate you!!

The events of this week and the months to come are in all actuality more fortunate than unfortunate for our family and our growth as well as our ability to support others now and in the future. It is God's perfect plan for our family. 

However, prior to witnessing the windows of heaven crack open upon us the last few days, the only subject line I could come up with that seemed to satisfy the mortal mind for the mass email we sent out to family on Tuesday night was "Unfortunate News :/." 
I knew when I typed it that is was contradictory to what I felt deep down, that "unfortunate" was a poor word choice to describe this chapter in God's perfect plan for us. His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and his purposes are never unfortunate.

I taught a lesson in church a week ago during the 3rd hour in Relief Society, inspired by President Monson's most recent General Conference address: Finding Joy in the Journey. The main take away was that as we adapt to change, realize what matters most, and be grateful always, we gain a perspective, an eternal perspective through which we are able to find joy in the journey.

And so it was that as Sydney spoke these words during her prayer at lunch today, I am able to find joy in it, instead of sorrow.
I thought this would be a good way to introduce what happened. She is not referring to her brother Isaac here, by the way~

"Dear Heavenly Father,
(this is where I started paying enough attention to remember exactly what she said..)
Thank you my mommy feels better and thank you that she will feel good. Thank you that my mommy closed her eyes at the doctor and they got the baby out who died, in the name of Jesus Christ Amen."

(me) "Thank you Sydney!!"

(Syd) "You’re definitely welcome!"

The most unusual aspect of this story which I am about to elaborate on, is definitely in the blessing to witness God's very hand in what is happening, and truly know it to be a blessing that we can apply to the rest of our lives. It is truly amazing, and I can't help but feel sincerely fortunate, to yet again experience and learn from our Heavenly Father. The number of times I have cried over the past few days have been far greater attributed to the love, blessings and miracles I have witnessed as the separation between the physical and spiritual worlds has become very thin. Though the so called "unfortunate news" itself and the difficulty that is still very real will require much patience as we wait in an earthly time period, we can move forward with faith in the process and the comfort from we receive from above.

I was 2 1/2 months pregnant- In September, we were finally going to bring a baby home for Sydney to grow up with. Through everything, she is getting so old! Having been through all we have in the last 2 years trying to bring another baby home (including losing Isaac) we were confident that this baby would come without any complications.

Tuesday's appointment was what we were waiting for before we told our families the much anticipated news. We had yet to tell a soul and were able to keep this exciting and releiving pregnancy a secret longer because I was passing my tiny baby bump off as a "post-partum belly" from Isaac 7 months ago.

It's an all too familiar story--the heartbeat I had just seen beating on the screen at my last appointment was now silently still on the monitor. However, it was more than a common miscarriage. From what they found in the ultrasound, it had more than likely been a rare partial molar pregnancy and I had to have a somewhat urgent and somewhat higher risk surgical procedure to remove the pregnancy. Because of potential tumor-like/cancerous risks that could remain from this type of pregnancy, we have to go through a waiting period of at least 6 months to a year before we can even start trying again. :(

Sad? Yes. Frustrating?? Absolutely. Grateful??? Always.

Sydney is a greater miracle to us every single day. The last 2 years has changed my relationship with her forever. I admire, respect and look up to her so much. She is a best friend of mine forever.
If I didn't have the foundation of trust with my Heavenly Father that I have, I would not know where to turn in difficult times, nor would I be able to have the perspective that I have. But when I turn to him, the blessing are there waiting for me to recognize them, and though I don't know the end from the beginning as He does, I am blessed with the faith and trust I need to endure it in patience, with the knowledge that I have been blessed to seek and find. As I search for answers I am blessed to grow from it along the way, be grateful for that painful growth, and find joy during those growing pains. They are always worth it because that is what we are here for--to grow and become more like Him so that we can return to Him, if that is what we choose.

Different seasons of life present different challenges, and it is the time and season of my life to be young and married, to bare children and grow a family. Many others struggle similarly or even worse. Other seasons of life will present other most difficult challenges, and we all go through challenges in different seasons. Knowing and understanding that God not only loves each of us deeply but is intimately involved in each of our lives helps us to more easily adapt to the changes that come, realize what matters most, and be grateful always, that we may find joy in the journey.

*I want so much to share a few amazing and incredible stories, realizations and miracles that we have come to know and witness in the last few days, but I don't feel that it is best to share them here at this time. Just know that God is extremely involved with the details of your life, that there are angels not only watching over us, but doing things for us constantly, and if you ask God to show you His hand in your life, He will show you in the way that is perfect for you and you will feel His love and purpose for you. It is incredible.*

*For my own records, the 2 letters we wrote our families are below, beginning with the most recent, and then the original one breaking the news.

FAMILY(and nearby friends) LETTERS:
After surgery update and a big THANK YOU!!!~


Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Hey all :) 
Just wanted to send a quick update so y'all aren't left hangin- and also to thank everyone for your love and support and service to us!
 All went well today. I lost more blood than normal but not enough to need a transfusion. Came home a little lightheaded and a definite sore throat from the breathing tubes. I hope I sleep as well tonight as I did on that operating table- soo relaxing! 
Scott has been taking good care of me and we have some very wonderful angels down here in Galveston with us also taking care of us--between meals, watching sydney, flowers, gifts, cards, texts, calls, emails, prayers, even doing our dishes-!-other forms of service and love we have actually been quite spoiled with love and support. I cannot express enough gratitude for what that means for our hearts. We are so grateful for that support and know you are on the Lords errand in our behalf! You are angels and blessings to us. Thank you all again, those near and far for the love you have and more importantly the love you show. 
The six month count down doesn't  start until my hcg levels are back to 0 so that will take several weeks in and of itself, and only then does the 6 month wait begin. Unfortunately the weekly blood draws begin right away but we are grateful for them nonetheless! 
Thank you all for your continued prayers for patience through our understanding of Heavenly Fathers perfect plan. We love each of you!
Steph, Scott and Sydney :)

Unfortunate News ;/
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Hey family,  

It's been a little over a year since we found out and broke the news to you all about Isaac. It was and still is a long journey that we have so appreciated your support on. We have also appreciated all the many wonderful things we have learned and are learning--one of them, if not the most vital of them, being patience.

Lighting has struck again and Heavenly Father is once again asking for our patience, and faith, in his plan for our family. 

Scott and I found out on January 15th, the last day of our Walton Temple Miracle month that we were finally pregnant again. It was a miracle! That's 2 1/2 months pregnant...Due date: September 29th, just ONE DAY before Patty and Brian's baby's due date. :) 

We were confident in this pregnancy, and wanted to wait a little bit before telling anyone. I kept telling Scott it was going to be twins and then at my 2nd ultrasound, without knowing my mind about twins, the doctor wondered at the screen if she saw a twin. It was precious and heartwarming to see the little tiny beating heart and know that our baby was thriving. 
Ever since then, we have been waiting for the ultrasound of today to confirm twins or a singleton so we could finally break the exciting news to family and friends. Oh how often I have wanted to bring it up! Especially amidst all the morning sickness and fatigue, but I have done my very best at hiding it so that it could be an even more exciting surprise. 

However, when the doctor came in and put the ultrasound on my slightly bulging belly (which I was playing off as post partum belly from Isaac, cuz some of it probably still is!), she not only found that the baby's heart had stopped, but there were signs of something else. 

From the looks of the placenta on the ultrasound, we had a partial molar pregnancy, meaning there was the normal set of chromosomes from me and double from Scott giving the pregnancy as Scott put it, "trisomy everything." Because mutated tissue from this continues to build, and the risk of hemorrhaging is higher, I have to go in for a D and C so that I can pass this pregnancy in a controlled environment so that I won't bleed to death. 

In addition, once the D and C has taken place, Scott and I will not be able to try getting pregnant again for 6 months---I will have to go in weekly for blood draws in order to make sure my levels have gone down and that by 6 months all the tissues are gone. If the tissues remain, they can become cancer like, which is the reason we have the 6 month waiting period to monitor that. 

We have proven ourselves to beat the odds twice now-- first with Isaac and now with this partial molar pregnancy, which means maybe both Scott and I should get tested for potential answers on why we had 2 chromosomal abnormalities in a row--(though both can happen by chance to anyone). It's crazy that we had both happen.  

The doctor said there is still about a 40% chance that it was a normal pregnancy, and if so, that would be less concerning, but still there is no way of knowing until the D and C, which I will be put under for and will occur in the OR. A D and C of a partial molar pregnancy also poses its own potential higher risks for complications. 

I think the most frustrating thing for us is....frustration. Growing our family is something that continues to progess and then get least in the eyes of our mortal minds. Really, these experiences are building our family in different, spiritual ways, rather than physically. That, I am most grateful for..

I don't have a very good track record recently so who knows once it's time again how long it will take after that time. It's now been 7 months since Isaac was born and I thought that was an eternity away when the doctor suggested we wait 3-6 months. 6 months before that was an eternity away as we awaited Isaac's due date. And 8 months before that was the miscarriage. Since then, it's been two years, and now we have at least another 6 month wait. I never would have imagined that Sydney would have to wait 5+ years until we brought a sibling home for her to play with. She only got to play with Isaac through the womb, but we never got to bring him home otherwise. It breaks my heart for her, but know that it's Heavenly Father's plan for her too. 

I guess the biggest way to help right now would be to pray for the D and C to go well, pray for all other risks to be minimized, and especially for patience as we wait to build and try to build up our family. If we have to wait a lifetime to be with Isaac again, we can wait however many more months or years more until we are blessed with another little angel in our home--but it can't come soon enough!!!!!!! (<----see?? impatient!!) :) 

Heavenly Father has a beautiful plan for our family, but some of the points along the way seem so brutal emotionally and that is why we need patience as the plan unfolds. 
Patience is my take away from everything. I already trust in The Lord 100%, it's just patience that is and always will be key in this mortal life with our limited understanding. But that's what faith is; Trust in god's perfect plan as we follow Him, though we don't see the end from the beginning here and now.   

I love to hear from you too- I know I can count on hearing from some specific individuals in the family but please know that it is my personality to openly talk about things- I always love to talk about Isaac and I love to talk about life and Heavenly Fathers plan etc etc and I love to hear what others have in their hearts too so please, reach out openly as well as in prayer and it will always be a beautiful experience!! 

We love you all and are grateful for each of you! 
Thank you for all you do and all you mean to us.
❤️--always and forever. 

Steph and Scott 


  1. I know we don't know each other very well, but I have been following you through this and you are some sort of angel. I cannot even begin to imagine what you guys have gone through and it breaks my heart. Your testimony amazes me. You are in my prayers. Hang in there!

    1. I so appreciate that Mary!!! Thank you so much! I Love you! <3

  2. Stephanie, You are so strong. I'm not sure why you've been tried so much, you who are already so faithful, but probably to help the rest of us grow through your testimony. Praying for you. I know your family will continue to grow!

    1. No doubt we continue to grow but I love that it is farther reaching for good than just our family. Thank you for saying that. Thank you Jess- love you!!

  3. Love you, Steph. Your insights are inspiring. You put everything in perspective. I love to see this mortal existence through your eyes. Hugs, love, and more hugs from me!!

    1. Love you too Chandra! So grateful for you guys and your love and positive insight and encouragement as well. Thank you! <3

  4. Truly love you. I'm so sorry to hear this news. You are and have been in my prayers. No doubt your little ones are cheering you on in heaven, so so grateful that they have a faithful earthy family that would never give up on them, no matter the heartache. And they are the luckiest to be able to call you Mom.

  5. The more I see into your heart the more I love and adore you, Stephanie!! Thank you for your beautiful faith and love, trust and devotion to our Father and His plan. Thank you for sharing these beautiful thoughts. I love you guys!!


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