And then there were FOUR... :)

Our

FAMILY

will be

growing

2 FEET

this August

2013

:)

In reality, 

those 2 feet are already growing, 

and I've seen them about 3 times now

through ultrasound. :)

Due date is August 20th :)

Do you remember that tiny little prayer of Sydney's that I posted at the beginning of December?

I wrote nothing else, 

just the best replication of Sydney's prayer from night

that I could recall with Scott's help. 

During that prayer, 

Scott and I were just cracking up (silently and...reverently? of course), 

because it was just too cute and so funny- the way kids' minds work, and how precious, pure and innocent they are. 

That is why I recorded her prayer. To remember that. 

I am brought back to her prayer (<--Click there to read it) that night because

she thanked Heavenly Father a couple of times 

"for baby."

2 days later, we found out that we were at long last,

pregnant again.

We announced the 2nd pregnancy in a creative way like we did with Sydney's. But because my 2nd pregnancy didn't last, I was hesitant. 

We still told our families just as early because we wanted their support and mostly their prayers that this pregnancy would "hold on." We didn't make a big announcement of it, mostly just told everyone on our own time, as it came up, one by one. And that's how I started telling my friends too- just in conversation. 

I just recently posted it to FB.

It was slightly depressing not being able to be fully confident in it.

I felt bad (on behalf of this child) that I didn't feel comfortable announcing in a fun, and creative way. I felt bad, and guilty for not having a full amount of faith that this pregnancy would last.

There is still a small percentage of that "risk" that I before felt was so high. But I am less and less hesitant with each day that passes and I would say that more so than not, I am confident now. :)

3 months down, and i've heard the heartbeat  and seen the baby on a few different occasions, moving, heart beating. That has been comforting, but I think what's been most comforting is the "Disheartening Effects of Pregnancy." 

Confused???

So was I....but

now it all makes sense. 

And I have found

complete comfort in it. 

I keep a more personal journal, in my daily scripture study journal. Here is my entry from back in December, just days after finding out about this 3rd pregnancy:

Tuesday, Dec. 11, 2012
I’ve really been thinking hard since last night about the word “disheartening” in reguards to pregnancy and trying to make sense of it in a positive way- in a way that doesn’t end in the loss of another pregnancy. Scott gave me a preisthood blessing last night that was very discouraging to me. It wasn’t the typical positive, everything is going to be fine and you will be blessed for all to go smoothly-kind of a blessing. He kept mentioning that I would be blessed with patience, that I will find peace and comfort in the disheartening effects of pregnancy. He said through the gift of discernment that I’d be able to understand what Heavenly Father is trying to tell me. H e blessed me to understand that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. It wasn’t very dissimilar from the blessing Scott gave me just before I found out I had miscarried. Anyway, it was the least comforting blessing I’ve ever gotten. I was crying through the entire thing and was so confused and let down and sad the short rest of the evening until we fell asleep. I woke up in a similar, down way. I woke up early and went running inside the gym since it was a cold morning. The tv show that was on when I got on the treadmill was about pregnancies and babies and their families. The first, being triplets. It made me feel better to see some positive story of pregnancy. I have felt better since then, almost normal, but still, a lot LESS EXCITED. I feel like I should just be counting down the hours until I start to bleed. Or what if there is defect the baby has once it’s born? I don’t know what that blessing meant last night, I’m trying to “discern” it for myself and as I do, I find myself trying to think of positive meanings in it. Maybe the disheartining times of pregancy are when I’m moody, when I’m impatient with Sydney, whem I’m feeling sick or uncomfortable. Maybe pregnancy will be worse for me this time. I sure hope it’s the latter and nothing worse. I have a dr. appointment on Thursday for the baby- Just my first prenatal. THey will check my levels and hopefully I will have good news. We definitely aren’t telling anyone (except Michelle bc she knows everything..) and when/if we do get to tell, it won’t be until we are in town at Christmas time-which in only a couple weeks away. By then I will be 7 or 8 weeks along. That’s more than I made it to last time- I was just a day shy of being 6 weeks when I miscarried back in June.

HERE is what I learned, and how I have found comfort and peace in the disheartening times of pregnancy-NOT during, but literally in, or beacause of, the disheartening times of pregnancy...

(again, an entry from my personal scripture study journal)

Thursday, December 13, 2012
There is something very cool I learned about faith when listening to a recent General Conference talk: When we FEAR, we are UNDERMINING our FAITH in GOD. That is to say, we don’t completely trust Him or have faith in His plan. Of COURSE I COMPLETELY trust him- SOOOOO as long as I’m doing MY best to be righteous, no matter what is goin on in my life, I can know that it is for my good and NOT FEAR, KNOWING, not fearing, that GOD KNOWS BEST.

That being said, I would like to study faith today:

-Luke 12:  28 If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?
-THIS RELATES to me and my fear with this pregnancy. My Fear has definitely diminished as it did from when Scott gave me that blessing and I felt so scared afterward. Heavenly Father is trying to make me practice my FAITH in Him, that EVEN IF things are going to turn out fine, He is not always going to just tell me in a blessing. I need to have FAITH in that without being TOLD like I was with Sydney's pregnacy. 

Heavenly father told me in the blessing that through the gift of discernment, I would beable to know what He was telling me.

Immediately following the blessing, I felt like I was being told I was going to miscarry again. NOW, I am beginning to realize, or discern what He was really trying to tell me.

I think He wants me to practice my FAITH in HIM without seeking a blessing in which I’m told “all will go smoothly.” I can’t be that spoiled everytime, I guess, right? “Disheartening” times in pregnancy are those times in which I worry, about me, about the baby, about anything related, but He blessed me to feel comfort and peace and I think I’m blessed to feel those things THROUGH my FAITH! NOT by being straight up TOLD that all will be ok. My FAITH that all WILL be ok (no matter the outcome), and because I know that, I’m comoforted when something comes up or when I’m sick or when something isn’t perfect. This is SO much better than just KNOWING. I feel like I”m accomplishing something and becoming a better person. THANKS HEAVENLY FATHER!!!!! :):):):):):):):):):)
Hearing this scripture (below) was a good start to learning this, and being told twice, two days in a row now:

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the word giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” - John 14:27

*Also, If I wouldn’t have had my scripture study today, or yesterday for that matter, I wouldn’t be able to figure out this knowledge and feel at peace and feel accomplished and everthing else I feel after this great revelation. I COULD still be in the dark, be extra anxious, worried, and filled with fear like I was...but I’m NOT.

Since December 11th and 13th, when I wrote those two journal entries, I have experienced almost 2 months of consistent "morning" sickness. This pregnancy has been quite different, a lot more sickness, tiredness, short of breath-ness, etc. and all of that a lot earlier on. I experienced next to none of this until the last month or so of Sydney's pregnancy. 

THESE "DISHEARTENING" or discouraging, painful, or annoying symptoms are comforting to me BECAUSE IT MEANS 

I'M STILL PREGNANT!!!! 

And THAT is how I find comfort IN the disheartening times of pregnancy. 

God is so awesome! 

The knowledge I gain through  Him through scripture study and prayer is so awesome! 

I don't know how people live without the Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

I'm so grateful for the truth I've been blessed with and for my testimony- to KNOW, and experience it's truth. 

All I have to do is seek it, and live it, and I am blessed by it.