Happy 1/2 Birthday Isaac!

February 5, 2014

Happy 1/2 Birthday Isaac!! 

I can't believe you would be 6 months old today. 

But that's 6 months closer to being with you again! 

We love you!!! 💕

(Below) I had to hide this one in here--

"The Preparation Photo".

Yes, I brought my vacuum to clean out the letters and 

yes, that's Sydney's beach shovel to dig the dirt away from the cement. :)

 We've been wanting to do that. :) 

When I remembered last night what today stood for, 

it was kind of a rough night. 

Luckily today, I was not left to myself.

Time spent with others, especially with friends and family, 

is always the time best spent. 

One of the best parts of the day was finding out that 

that Scott got to take a break in his recent 16-hour-day schedule

 and so we went back to "Isaac's" with him by our side. :) 

That was so happy :)

When we got home;

We have very dear friends :)

Happy 1/2 Birthday, Isaac!!! 

We only have a few years here in Galveston so we are living it up!

On your real birthday, we will celebrate you with some cake :)

By then, we will be one whole year closer to being with you again! 

WE LOVE YOU!!

A Gift From An Angel, or Two :)

Note: Less than a week after the unlikely incident recorded in my post Sibling Rivalry (and Love) Through the Veil, this sweet and tender story broadens in a much more tangible way.

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When angels work through us mortal beings to accomplish their God-given purposes, we too become angels, the mortal kind, instruments in the hands of God. 

Yesterday, I saw with my eyes, felt in my hands, and witnessed with my heart, how at least one heavenly angel spoke to the heart of a mortal angel, and through our physical world, blessed a sweet little, 3-year-old girl, patiently waiting for her brother's resurrection so she could have the toy that was buried with him...

We were about to leave, walking away from her house as she dug quickly through her front porch mailbox and pulled out a white package. It must have just arrived during our visit. 

As she stopped me and handed it over, she only said not to open it in front of Sydney. 

I wondered at this, but then, between her next words and what I could feel through the soft packaging, I knew right away what it was. 

The tears came almost instantly, and I went toward her, giving her the kind of embrace you just can't release.

If I wasn't expecting the tears I cried in her front yard that moment, then I definitely wasn't prepared for the tears that came later that afternoon... 

I had set the package on my bed, wondering where and how we should open it. Should we do it at the cemetery? That would be unnecessary. I waited a little while more. 

When I walked back into my room and saw the unopened package on my bed, thinking about the contents inside, it finally came to me, hitting my heart instantly, triggering tears that lasted the better half of the afternoon. In that moment I felt the love Isaac had for his sister Sydney. 

It was from him.

The tears flowed with the sweetness that I felt in my heart as I took the unopened package to Sydney to have her do the honors. 

I explained to her that Isaac loved her and had found a way to share with her without making her wait. 

I told her exactly what I felt.

"Isaac's sweet spirit spoke to our friend A****'s heart and she was moved to find this same "tiny elephant" and have it sent here so that you don't have to wait for Jesus to open the box to get it. 

Isaac wanted you to have it now, and our friend A**** was the one who helped him get it to you."

In her own words, A**** explained in an email:

"Sydney is already going to have to wait patiently to be with Isaac…I hoped that by having an elephant like the one waiting with him it might help to bring them just a little closer in the meantime." 

Through the spirit are people moved to do good, and I believe in her act of friendship and love, she was acting upon the spirit. She was an instrument in the hands of God, working through angels, on behalf of Isaac, to send a message to his older sister.

Whether gifts from Heaven come straight into our hearts or first into our mailboxes,

the message is always the same

--love. 

When we are able to recognize it, that message of love becomes the greatest gift of all.

It came with a sucker, too. 

Sydney's favorite. :) 

Sibling Rivalry (and Love) Through The Veil

It felt so good, so different, so unusual, this morning, when for the first time ever, I had to mediate between two of my children--one living, one not.

It was definitely new, and weird. I had no idea it was even possible, or that something like this would ever occur. 

Sydney and I were talking about a small paper origami elephant that was in the office and when she heard the words "small elephant," this apparently triggered in her the memory of "the tiny elephant." 

I took a nap with this "tiny elephant" the day in-between Isaac's delivery and memorial service. I'm glad I did, for I didn't know at the time the sacred place it would end up...

Since elephants are very symbolic to us of Isaac, naturally, we have a few of them around our home.

The bigger blue elephant on the right is the elephant Isaac "gave" Sydney when she met him for the first time at the hospital. The elephant on the left, and above ("the tiny elephant"), is the one we buried with him. 

This morning, Sydney kept insisting that she wanted the tiny elephant and the only 2 elephants that came to mind were the one she got at the hospital and the little elephant rattle she got from Isaac Christmas morning at the cemetery. Sydney likes to pretend she is a baby and asked for a rattle a few days before Christmas. We had the perfect one. Isaac received one baby rattle at his shower and it just happened to be a little blue elephant rattle. :)

But these were clearly not the elephants she was referring to. When I showed Sydney the picture on the left and asked her if this was the elephant she was talking about her eyes widened and she said:

"Yes! Isaac has the tiny elephant and 

he just won't share it with me!" 

It made me smile to think of this unique idea developing in Sydney's head, and it felt kind of good to be the one responsible to address the issue, like Isaac was really here or something to mediate between the two of them.

But Sydney's tears were real, and she was getting very upset.
I had no idea why suddenly, this elephant was so important to her or why she was feeling so strongly about it.

I tried explaining to her in a few different ways that it was Isaac's elephant and that it is buried with him so we can't get it--but this only made her more upset.

Then I thought of Isaac, if he could, he truly would share it with her, he would give it to her. He would want her to have it.

In thinking of Isaac, the perfect words came. 

I told her that Isaac wants to share it with her, but because mommy and daddy put it in there with him and the box is closed for now that when Jesus comes again and "opens the box"to bring Isaac to life again, that she can have "the tiny elephant" again at that time.

She immediately got happy and excited, because she understood it, and said:

"OK! When Jesus comes and opens the box
then Isaac will share the elephant with me!"

It impresses me--the continuing relationship through the veil between Sydney and her brother, Isaac...

...not the fact that it's continuing, but that I am able to witness it.

It is such an honor and a privilege to be a part of their special, and eternal bond--the bond I could feel between them when he was here, and the bond I continue to feel between them now, through the veil.

(Video) SECRET MISSION -- The Surprise (December 2013)

The (edited- I'll have you!) video below started out as a secret mission, known only to my brother-in-law, Jeff.


You see, Scott and I spent Christmas day in Galveston, drove to Dallas (Scott's hometown) on the 26th, and on the evening of the 27th decided last minute to take one last spontaneous, secretive, and surprising road trip through the night to Kansas City (my hometown :)).

Jeff, who was in on the secret mission, was kind enough to leave a key under his doormat for our 4am arrival, as well as record the following events with his cell phone.

Here is the video footage I had fun cutting together of us revealing our surprise

...and then some.

(CLICK HERE (email subscribers), if video below doesn't show up). 

            

We had a blast those four days, which included both Scott's birthday and my birthday. 

(The iceskating pictures at the end are from back in Dallas. :))

The surprise trip was a great birthday present to me 

and a great belated-Christmas 2013 and Happy New Year 2014 for us all :). 

We Don't Buy Firewood

Scott wanted to have a bonfire across the ferry tonight, so we stopped to get some firewood. It was free, as you can see, 'cuz that's how we roll- unfortunately for syd haha. :)

 The hoister

It was a great way to celebrate our first night back home on the warm southern coast and our last night of freedom before Scott becomes a slave once more to his studies. 

You can't go wrong with bonfires at the beach in mid winter, accompanied by hot chocolate, roasted dogs and marshmallows on s'mores, dutch oven baked peach cobbler, a bag of Doritos and good company.

Monday starts our 6 month journey through the torture that is studying for the Step 1 exam. Freedom will come again in June... 

Here's to a New Year! 

Happy 2014 :))))

*First time to ever blog from my phone tonight- and I did it all on the ferry ride back. That's record time for my posts- I am usually very slow. :) 

3 Reasons I Love You (After 5 Years of Marriage)

Since the day we were married (5 years and 3 days ago to be exact), there has always been much symbolism for us in the number 3. 
We find it in the 3 kisses before he leaves for the day, the 3 knocks on the window when he comes home, the 3 honks of the car horn, 3 flashes of the headlights from behind, or the 3 taps on the red tail lights in return.

The symbolism is in the 3 squeezes of my hand at church, in a restauraunt, or during a movie.

3 is the number of times we've been pregnant, the number of loops on my wedding ring, and the number of sides on the diamond it displays.
Most importantly, 3 is the number of individuals in our marriage- Scott, myself, and God.                                                                   

My wedding ring, representing our 3 way relationship
with each other and God.
As we (the 2 bottom corners of the triangle, grow closer to
God (the top of the triangle), we grow closer to each other,
ultimately becoming one with each other and God.  

There has always been something special about the number 3 for me; (graciously borrowed as my lucky number from my older sister when I was little :)) But for US, 3 of any of these things holds the meaning of these 3 special words:

Wedding Day-
December 20, 2008

Happy 5 Year Anniversary, Scott!
I love you,
I love you,
I love you!!!

3 Reasons I love You.

Scott and I have a little tradition when we are feeling in love, as well as when we are feeling unhappy with each other and need a reminder of our love. This tradition is called (if I had to give it a name), "3 Reasons I love You." It's really easy; each of us just takes a turn telling the other 3 reasons why we love them. 

After playing this game so many times, our answers have started to get creative and quite detailed. After 5 years of marriage, the reaction we have to our experiences together are the reasons we continue finding new reasons to love each other.

Here are 3 of of the most significant reasons I have found, over the last 5 years of marriage, why I love the man I married.

Reason 3 

To kick off the start of our 5th year of marriage Scott and I had became pregnant with our first son, Isaac. 

The Tuesday before Isaac passed away, we were in the hospital listening to the decelerations in his heart. I had not felt him kick much if at all in the last several days or even weeks--the hole in his heart made him too weak to sustain the kind of kicks a full term infant produces. But as we sat in the hospital talking about the medical options of delivery and facing the difficulty that whatever rout we chose, there was a grim forecast and inevitable suffering on so many levels- physically for Isaac, emotionally for us, I remember being surprised by what I felt inside of me immediately following these words from our angel doctor:

"Choosing not to go through with the external version and waiting until he comes on his own in 3 weeks means you are ok with the possibility that he could go (pass away) inside of you."

I was feeling the peace and comfort in the last part of that sentence when just like that, I took 3 distinct kicks to the stomach from none other than Isaac himself. It was a miracle of sorts, that he could even manage a single kick, but 3 in a row with such pop was rather shocking to me, exciting, relieving, and hopeful. The 3 kicks Isaac gave helped me feel even better about that most difficult decision. 

Those were the last kicks I ever felt from him. 

Aside from giving me comfort in our medical choices, I recognize each of those 3 kicks as his way of symbolically leaving us with those three meaningful words-

August 2013

We were not aware of what this year would have in store for this baby, for our family, for our marriage. This was a pregnancy and a life that would mold our relationship with God and each other that no other way could. The experience we endured this last year and continue to endure until we can be with Isaac again, is one I am honored to have had so early in our lives, so soon in our young marriage. Because of it, we are closer to God, and we are closer to each other. 

Some time after the following events had taken place, Scott and I were talking in bed sharing our hearts with each other about the whole experience with Isaac, when I felt the strength within me and said to him - "We can do anything together, as long as we have each other and we have God."

Reason 3 why I love you: You are the best teammate I could ever imagine, my #1, my MVP. I could not do difficult things, great things, or anything in this life nearly as well without you. Even my relationship with God would take much more personal effort if it weren't for you. Thank you for being my #1 teammate, my MVP in this life and forever.  

We were married in the Nauvoo, Illinois Temple

of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints

Reason 2.

The night of our Texas wedding reception, there was an old mystery man with a beard, who came up to my dad told him, almost in whisper, these very bold words:

  "He will exceed your greatest expectations." 

I don't know what more was said if much else, but from the way I remember my dad telling it, it was almost as if he came and went with the breeze and that was the message he wanted my dad to know about Scott.

I realized my expectations were nowhere near "great" as I had thought when I was humbled by Scott's example of what it really meant to be great during a seemingly insignificant incident.

THE STOLEN COOKIES  :)

In our first year or two of marriage, we were attending a BYU Volleyball game on aFriday night in Provo, Utah. Sure, Scott enjoys watching sports, but that night we were going for the free pizza. As we cheered on the team and snarfed on our pizza, we noticed a couple people around us had the most deliciously large chocolate chip cookies that would be the perfect way to top off our free pizza dinner. We looked around for signs of cookies in other people's hands or cookies over by the pizza table but soon figured out that those few who had cookies had gotten them from the VIP room across the building. Obviously, the cookies were not for the fans, but we saw a few others with them and I persuaded Scott into going in to get a couple cookies for us to enjoy as well, no big deal. He went, came back with 2 delicious cookies that we stuffed in our faces and soon enough we were walking back to our car after the game.

Sept. 2013

Scott seemed so hesitant as we walked outside, and he kept looking back, like he had forgotten something. Finally he handed me the keys and said, "Here, go get the car, I 'll be right back." and with that he dashed back inside to who knew where or who knew why. When he came back out almost 10 minutes later, he approached the car with the biggest smile on his face. He seriously could not get that smile to go away and I'm sure his cheeks had to have started hurting after a half hour. When I asked him what he had gone to do he told me that he had gone back in to tell the coaches he had taken 2 cookies because he saw other people with them but wasn't sure if it was ok and could he pay for them. But while he was waiting in the VIP room for someone to "fess up" to, one of my broadcast reporting friends was in there with her VIP pass eating a cookie and recognizing Scott as my husband told him to take a cookie- "they don't care!" He felt totally silly because just after she offered him one like it was nothing, the coaches came in and Scott told them why he was there--to which the coaches responded that no, the cookies were not for the students but that he didn't have to pay and to not worry about it. 

It wasn't like he was even rewarded for being honest- he didn't get praised for coming back and telling he had taken a cookie, and he was even embarrassed when the girl offered him a cookie when he was in there in the first place because of a cookie (seems so silly, right?) - but when he came out of that fieldhouse grinning from ear to ear - it was not about the 25c cookies, the coaches, or any of that but the fact that on the smallest scale in the world, he felt the slightets bit of guilt knowing that he had taken something that wasn't his to take and he wanted to make it right, for no one else but his own conscious. No one would have cared, if they found out or not, it wouldn't have made a difference to anythone but to Scott himself, he could feel completely pure.

When anyone could justify something so insignificant and just brush it off and forget about it, he decided instead of doing just that, which he could have been ok with as well and just been better next time, he chose to put himself in an awkward situation over something so small but made such a big difference in his character and trust with God, and now, his wife. If a random coach can have his trust over something as small as a 25c cookie, I know as his wife, I can have his trust over not just the big things, but the small things too. The small things are what we deal with on a day-to-day basis and this is what makes the difference in anyone's life- the small things.  

Even in his weaknesses, imperfections and struggles, it is his heart that is ultimately what exceeds all expectations. I am truly humbled by his pure heart. 

Reason 2 why I love you: You have the purest heart I have ever known and make me want to be a better person because of it. Thank you for living and growing through the experiences of your life in such a way that has allowed your heart to become what it is. I truly look up to you and hope to become a better person eternally because of you, and with you. 

Sept. 2013

Reason 1.

Though I could tell more stories about Scott, I will spare any more on this outlet and save the rest for my personal journal, but as I think of one last significant reason I love Scott after 5 years of marriage, I would say it is the way I feel God's love for me through him, and it is so powerful. I realized at one point in my marriage how much God loved me because he manifests it in blessing me with Scott to love me in His stead.  

Thank you for not only loving me for me, but loving Heavenly Father enough to love me on behalf of Him, and for stepping up to that large plate. I have truly looked into your eyes and heart and have felt the love of God just by looking at you. You are a wonderful human being.

Reason 1 why I love you: You love God more than you love me, and so you can love me more than you ever possibly could without that love of God because you are learning God's perfect love and always trying to aspire to it. I love that I can feel God's love for me because of the Love you have for me on his behalf. Thank you for understanding your divine role as a son of God and as my Husband. I am truly blessed and honored to have you as my eternal companion. 

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December 20, 2013 marks 5 years of marriage with my best friend and eternal companion. He is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am a better person everyday because I have him to look up to and to lift me up. I love him so much more today than the day we were sealed together forever and that love will grow exponentially for eternity.

 It is so true, as we have worked to know our Heavenly Father better and come closer to Him, we have grown closer in love to each other over the last 5 years. I can only imagine what eternity of experiences and growth will do for our relationship and love. I am so excited and anxious for the work and the joy of it.
 5 years down, eternity to go!

First date- July 2008

Where he proposed to me when he got the real ring :)

(Insert - Lots of pictures that cover highlights from the last 5 years

 that I was going to put but now am not....sorry :))

The Waltons 2013 :)
(Isaac is in this picture in spirit- just like he is every day :))