*About this post:
The contents of this entry are broken up into 4 parts- and posted over the course of 4 days. describe tender moments very close to my heart and are of great worth and significance to me. I share them out of gratitude for my angel son, Isaac, my Savior Jesus Christ, and my Father in Heaven for the priceless wisdom and insights this experience has and will provide me for the rest of my life, and so to others. I wrote these things (and much more besides) with much struggle and dedication over the course of nearly three months. As the most sacred and most beautiful experience of my life, it is my great privilege and honor to share these things with any and all who read it.
Isaac's story: Post 7
DEAR ISAAC: A Letter to Heaven, and the World
Hopeful Truths Gained From a Most Scared, Eternal Experience
Published 3 months postpartum
I had been in the back room, the location of much searching, pondering and praying. I found myself doing those very things when an extremely intense desire and longing for home overcame me. I so desperately wanted to be there. I've always been comfortable here, always felt very "at home" on this earth with those I love, but for the first time, I literally felt the reality of my pre-mortal and post-mortal home. I don't know where those feelings came from since I am unable to recall by sight this place which I so longed to be, but I could certainly recall the feeling of it. As I longed to dwell forever in that feeling, it was as if I was remembering it--miraculously recalling things I once knew that had long left my memory.
I sobbed as I tried to make sense of these feelings, explaining to Heavenly Father that "I want so badly to be where He is. I want to be home again." My feelings were so intense that I would have been ok with being taken up then and there. Then, in that instant, I thought of Scott; and Sydney.
I thought of my family here, including, friends, acquaintances and others. I realized how each and every one that remains here on this earth is so incredibly special, just as Isaac is. I am so lucky to be here with so many wonderful others.
During my heartfelt prayer, I was calmed and comforted with the reassurance of my purpose here, right now, and the joy I may still experience here, even though the greatest of which incomprehensible joy I will look forward to experiencing there, according to how I live my life here.
Realizing the incredible worth of Isaac's soul, and understanding Heavenly Father's love for each individual soul, I began to grasp again and hold tight to the honor and privilege it is for me to be here on this earth at this time with these other children of his, my spirit brothers and sisters. I found a refreshed love for complete strangers--knowing where they too came from and where their spirits too ultimately long to return. I enjoy people more who I have been blessed to be here with at this time, and care less about temporal things. I am happier.
Knowing the worth that it is for my spirit to continue occupying a body at this time, experiencing, learning and progressing, and that disembodied spirits do not live in the presence of God but await that time in the spirit world for the resurrection when their spirits will permanently reunite with their perfected and glorified bodies-- without the presence of both God and Isaac, and everyone else, it would not be home.
As I told Scott of this experience, I mentioned that the only way for us all to be together, again in the presence Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, is for something already in the works. Our Father in Heaven, the literal Father of all our spirits, also wants us to return home to Him, so he created a way for us through His son, our Savior and brother, Jesus Christ. He broke the bands of death that we all may live again as He does, resurrected, glorified, and perfected. At his Second Coming, those who have passed through the gate of death into the spirit world, will rise up again from their graves, spirit and perfected body, never to be separated again. Through His gospel, families, who have made and kept sacred covenants will also be reunited in the flesh, NEVER TO BE SEPARATED again!
"So I guess what I'm trying to say," I related to Scott, "is that I really want the Second Coming to come!" His reply were those eight simple words:
"Well," he acknowledged, "we need to help hasten the work."
To bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man, is His work and His glory. We will help hasten it by spreading the restored gospel to every kindred, tongue and people, that each may learn and choose to make and keep sacred covenants that will merit them eternal life--or a life forever as eternal families in the presence of God and our Savior, Jesus Christ, in never-ending happiness."Isaac can be our motivation to be better missionaries, to live good lives, [in order] to help hasten the work," Scott went on to say.
To do our part in this great work, God planted within our hearts, through Isaac, a deep desire for this Second Coming to come to pass. We want to be with Iasaac again, in the flesh,
and have the honor of raising his body to the full stature of his beautiful spirit after the resurrection. We want to live together as a family forever and to be in the presence of our Savior and Father for eternity in peace and happiness. This is why through my pregnancy with Isaac, Heavenly Father allowed my faith to grow incredibly and to keep believing in miracles, because although we did see many along the way and still do, the greatest is yet to come, when Isaac will not only be healed, but resurrected and perfected, as well as everyone who ever walked the face of this earth. This is why I need more faith than I had attained before he died, and I will work for the rest of my life to obtain that faith because through it and by it I will too not only witness it, but partake of it myself- the greatest miracle, the greatest gift God has to give, immortality and eternal life. We each play a part in Heavenly Father's plan. Isaac didn't need to stay in this mortal sphere of existence to fulfill his purpose, and he works now in another sphere in greater ways, given the capacities of a spirit.
Together, with Isaac in the spiritual sphere and us in the mortal sphere, and by the power of the spirit, we will help hasten the work, together. Isaac is more than our guardian angel, he is our teammate. And so I speak to him by heart in my letter to Isaac.
Part III- The Letter, will be posted on November 3, 2013
Part III- The Letter, will be posted on November 3, 2013
Love this, Steph. I think "hastening the work" was a big theme at Conference and it's something I have been thinking a lot about and trying to be more brave in sharing the gospel! I'm doing my part to get you home to your boy! :) But in the meantime, I'm so glad you are here and I get to be your friend!
ReplyDeleteYAY! THANK you for doing your part!! ;) Of course you are- you are awesome. I love hearing it though!! The happiness of each one of us really is a team effort between us all! Thanks Chandra and I'm glad to get to be your friend too!! :)
DeleteIncredible testimony and insights. You make me want to feel the fire of faith stronger because I can tell you feel it so strongly. The picture of you (I think) holding Isaac's feet is so beautiful. I have a thing for baby feet, they just melt me, and that picture really makes me love your little guy. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Minta! :) I'm so glad you can feel the strength in my faith and want to feel it for yourself too. It is a wonderful thing! You are wonderful, too! Thank you :)
DeleteI'm in tears after reading your story and watching your beautiful video. I'm Minta's cousin, and I lost my Daniel two and a half years ago. Like you, we found out early in the pregnancy that his little body wouldn't last long in this world. I remember feeling like I had never heard of anyone finding out in the middle of pregnancy that the baby was okay as long as I was pregnant, but that he wouldn't survive long after he was born. I wondered how in the world I could do it. I relate to so much of what you have written here on this blog. I would say more (I did, but I deleted it), but this is your page and your story. And it's beautiful, and I'm thankful to know it. When I was pregnant with Daniel and in the months shortly after his birth and death, I heard a lot of sad stories. Sometimes I felt like I needed to deal with my own grief before I could deal with anyone else's. That being said, if you do find it helpful to know other mothers who have experienced a similar loss, I have written Daniel's story at http://breathingfordaniel.blogspot.com . Please don't feel any obligation to go there if you don't feel like it. But I guess I just want to reach out to you, one mother to another. Lots of love.
ReplyDeleteThank you Emily! I did check out your blog and read a few of your posts. We do share something quite similar and sacred in common-!! There are many of "us" and many more that do even "harder" things. I'm grateful to know that we can become better people through whatever it is we have to endure. Thank you so much for writing and sharing your story with me as well!! Definitely keep in contact whenever you want to :)
DeleteI love this post. I love Scott's simple response. It's one of those phrases we hear so often, but I believe we underestimate our power in actually Hastening the Lord's Work. There was an awesome quote by Elder Perry that Elder Nielsen shared in his talk at conference. It was: “This is the most remarkable era in the history of the Church. This is something that ranks with the great events that have happened in past history, like the First Vision, like the gift of the Book of Mormon, like the Restoration of the gospel, like all of the things that build that foundation for us to go forward and teach in our Father in Heaven’s kingdom”
ReplyDeleteWOW. When I heard him compare our work/duty to these great historical events it gave me a greater perspective of just how important the work we have been asked to do is. When I think of the pioneers and how they were asked to pull handcarts in blazing hot and freezing cold weather, in terrible conditions… I start realizing more and more that Missionary Work, Family History and Temple work are the handcarts we have been called to pull. Not through wind and rain and heat and frozen grounds… but through a world of sin and chaos and darkness. We are called to pave that way for the world, just as the pioneers paved that way for us. And there is no doubt that both sides are focusing on the same great work. What a priviledge it is to be a part of. What a beautiful experience you have had… and I'm so glad you are sharing it with us.
I think we underestimate a lot of things and don't even realize it until it becomes SO REAL like this experience has made it for me. I can't describe it because it was always "real" before...
DeleteI remember that quote by Elder Nielson and LOVED hearing it. I could sense the excitement in his voice and I started bursting with excitement in my heart---it's so true! The Lord really is hastening His work! I am so excited for it and for what is to come. Great analogy about pioneer days v. our day. They paved the road for us and we pave the road for the Lord himself. SO. EXCITING. Thanks Ashlee for your wonderful comments!