79 Weeks Pregnant

I once considered myself 79 weeks pregnant. 

A combined 1.5 years of pregnancy during a period of several years left me still waiting to take home a baby.

38 of those sacred weeks are dedicated to our beautiful 2nd born (into Heaven), Isaac; 41 of them belong to babies I never got to hold, see, name or birth. This explains the 5 years between my two living children.

Several days ago as I was preparing a church lesson on patience, I pulled Isaac's photo from the shelf as an object lesson on the topic. Landon, crawling up and down and all around me naturally became curious at the new object in my hands. It was incredibly touching how long he stared at it, smiled at it, patted at it, then stared some more at his brother in a frame.

In honor of pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, I want to reach out to all those beautiful women out there who walk this extremely challenging path in any way, shape or form. The future is differing for each of us, but there is one thing I have learned for sure and hold on to--the future is bright!

The future is only a second away for some, a day away for others, and a lifetime away still for many. But the future is bright, and it is as bright as your faith in our Heavenly Father's perfect plan for you individually.

The key in this refiner's fire, as in almost any other challenge we may face, is patience-that word we hate to hear when we want something in one second, one day, or even in one lifetime. The time will come. Have faith in that timing and in your future, be it here, or there, where so many await their mommies, where my Isaac (and at least 4 others!) await me. But I will take him home and them home, and when I do, I will no longer be "79 weeks pregnant." For me, that future is a lifetime away, but I choose to be patient because I know it will be worth it when I do get to bring them home.

Time is but a blink of an eye- and that second, day or lifetime will all be one and the same as they are measured there. But in the here and now where a second is much less painful than a lifetime, have patience, and faith. 

The future is bright. 

#pregnancyandinfantlossawareness

#79weekspregnant 

#brothersunit

#splitworldfamily

Happy 3rd Birthday, Isaac!!! We love you!

Today, August 5, 2016, is a very sacred and special day for us.

 

I woke up unusually early and went downstairs to our backyard where I must have been attracted to a bright light. The air was unusually crisp for a summer morning and as I faced the light, I discovered the warm sun brightly rising directly above our “Isaac” memorial, some 2400 miles from his grave we recently left behind. I had no idea until this special day of Isaac’s, that the sun rose every morning in our backyard directly over his memorial statue.

Today is the first of many that we will spend honoring Isaac’s birthday far away from his sweet little body. However, besides that sacred August 5th in 2013 when we held him for the first and last time, he has never felt closer! Not just today, but every day. I have told many, but I will tell it again how incredible Isaac is at communicating with us from the spirit world and there is no doubt he is always near! He amazes me and comforts me!

Sydney was almost 3 when she held her first newborn brother after he passed away. Today, Isaac himself would be 3. How much I wish he was here to hold HIS baby brother Landon. Even more, how much I wish he was here for me to hold. Until the day I have Isaac in physical form again, I DO have him in spirit form and though difficult in its own right, it’s also a beautiful and sacred experience to mother in this way and to be a “split world” family (as I like to call it). 

Later today we will fill white helium balloons with special messages in them and send them off toward heaven. We want to honor Isaac in this way by hopefully touching the hearts of any who finds them and reads them. I know Isaac will help assist in guiding the balloons to the souls who need their inspiration! :) 

Thank you to all who hold Isaac close to your hearts this day. We hold friends, family and acquaintances dear to our hearts always and forever. Each one is special and so loved. That’s the message form Isaac to each of you. You are loved!!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Isaac! We love you always and forever! 

<3 Mom, Dad, Sydney and Landon <3